I'll Walk
by perfectsmuttyvampire
Summary: Sonea is injured during a Warrior Training class. When she comes round, they tell her there is nothing the Healers can do. Facing life as a cripple, she enlists the help of her guardian, High Lord Akkarin, to help her walk again.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: A Black Magician Trilogy fic. My first, and it's big, angsty, and rated M. Inspired by Bucky Covington's song "I'll Walk". The song is NOT the plotline for this story. It's just the inspiration.**

**TITLE: I'll Walk**

**SUMMARY: Sonea is injured during a Warrior Training class. When she comes round, they tell her there is nothing the Healers can do. Facing life as a cripple, she enlists the help of her guardian, High Lord Akkarin, to help her walk again.**

**Ok, I changed one hell of a lot in this story. For a start, Akkarin did NOT die in the battle with the Magicians from Sachaka. He and Sonea did NOT get it together during the exile. Takes place after the end of The High Lord. All events bar Akkarin's death happened OK? Erm…what else? Ah yes. Akkarin is still High Lord, having been given a full reprieve by the King. Sonea has been forgiven and is respected for her role in saving Imardin. So, in summary, Akkarin is still around and there was no relationship. If any questions pop up, don't hesitate to review and ask. Review anyway though! So, here goes…**

**PS, Lorlen died during the final battle. Rothen took his place.**

SoneaPOV

It's half-funny, half-disturbing when novices scatter as I walk towards the High Lords residence. Funny, because a year ago, they wouldn't have bothered to move, they would have made it harder for me to pass. Disturbing, because the reason they scatter is because they are afraid of me. It's been a year. Such a year. The fight for Imardin, The King's reprieve, not just for me, but for Akkarin too. New novices whisper behind their hands as I pass.

"That's her. That's Sonea."

"I thought she'd be bigger, somehow. She doesn't look powerful."

"She's the second most powerful Magician in the Guild. Or she will be, when she graduates."

"I heard she was more powerful than the High Lord. I heard she has magic in her blood."

"Don't be silly. If she was more powerful than the High Lord, they wouldn't bother making her finish her training."

The novices turn in at their classroom, taking their whispers with them. I shake my head. More powerful than Akkarin, indeed! Never. Second most powerful in the Guild. Yes. But never more powerful than him. I enter the Arena with a slight check in my stride. Regin. Damn him. He's probably the only novice in the Guild who still seems to take pleasure in annoying the hell out of me. His family fought the hardest to have not just Akkarin, but me too, executed for the crimes of learning black magic. Both of us have had to vow never, ever to use it again, not unless we are left with no other choice. It won't ever arise now, so it's OK. But it's like Regin wants to _prove_ I can't be trusted. Akkarin would be removed along with me.

"Sonea!" Lord Balkan strides towards me. "The Administrator wants to see you." Rothen is standing just at the edge of the Arena.

"My Lord." I go to him, bow, look up, smile. "Administrator." He smiles back.

"Sonea. You're fighting me today. We can't ask Akkarin, and I'm the closest we can get hold of to an equal opponent."

"Sure?"

"Don't be cheeky, young lady. You've not graduated quite yet."

"Next week."

"Precisely. Go on, go and get ready."

So we fight. I beat him, then Regin wants a fight. I raise one eyebrow. I'm not even breathing hard.

"Regin, perhaps if we let Sonea have a break -" Balkan starts.

"No. He wants a fight, he can have one. I'm fine. I'm ready."

He sends a rain of force strikes at me. I'm barely trying. But I'm concentrating, and that's why I miss it. I don't see it. I don't shield it. But something breaks my shield, knocks me from my feet. Rothen and Balkan run towards me. It's funny. I can see them, but they're unsteady on their feet. I hear someone call my name, see Balkan turn to Regin, who looks horrified. Rothen takes my hand, tells me I'll be fine. I look up at him and smile.

"Rothen, I know I'll be OK."

"Does anything hurt?" Lady Vinara asks. When did she get here?"

"Oh, no."

"Sonea, look at me." I look up at her. "She's going. She'll lose consciousness soon, I expect."

"Lady…"

"What is it Sonea? Are you in pain?"

"Oh, no, Lady. It's just my legs. I can't feel my legs."

I don't remember anything after that.

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Pleasereview! love you all, PSV xxx


	2. Chapter 2

Waking

RPOV

She was unconscious for eight whole days. The magic she had had to constantly be drained from her, because in the agitation that built up in her mind, she couldn't control it. We were going to lose her completely if we weren't careful.

The accident, it had transpired, had been caused by a very slightly weakness in the roof of the Arena. Regin, intending to bounce is force-strike off the back wall and hope to find a weakness in Sonea's shield, had damaged it further and a slab had fallen. Having never made a shield against physical objects, only magical, Sonea had been knocked from her feet, the slab smashing into her back. Regin had tried to throw it away from her, throwing everything he had at the stone. It stopped it from hitting her on the head, but he couldn't push it away from her. As Sonea had ducked instinctively, she'd laid her back vulnerable to the slab. Nothing could have been done. It was all over so fast. When she'd told Lady Vinara she couldn't feel her legs, my heart had stopped beating. Regin had been horrified. She'd screamed at Balkan to save her. He'd said sorry, over and over again, and cried when they told him she wasn't going to walk. For someone who'd gone out of his way to make life miserable for her when they were both new novices, for someone who'd never, ever liked her, he'd expressed enough guilt to wipe the slate clean. He'd been told, over and over again, that it wasn't his fault.

When they'd told Akkarin, when Balkan had sprinted clear across the Guild to get him, when he'd told him about the accident, Akkarin had turned deadly pale, clutched wildly at the back of a chair and then run to the Healer's Quarters, where he first demanded, then begged, to be allowed to see her. Vinara hadn't let him in until the next day. At that point, they knew, and so did he, that she wasn't going to walk again, that not even we, the Magicians who had defeated the Ichani, could Heal her. We'd asked him if, using dark magic, if he could Heal her using that. He'd shaken his head.

"Rothen, if I could heal her using my magic, I'd have done it by now. But to use Black Magic for good would damage what it is used for. Sonea would pay with her soul, and I doubt she'd thank me for it."

It had been eight very, very long days. They'd felt like lifetimes. Akkarin, after he'd seen her that one time, had left, holed himself up in his residence and refused point blank to come out, to talk to anyone, to see anyone. When the King asked to see him, he'd been told no, that the High Lord was ill. When he'd done that, the gossip mill had gone into overdrive. I neither knew nor cared what they were saying. Sonea was my priority now. The day she woke up, she had only two days left before her graduation.

SPOV

I remember precious little of the next eight days. I was placed under medication, kept sedated, kept away from my body. I remember occasionally hearing familiar voices: Rothen, Vinara, Dannyl and, once, Akkarin. I remember nothing of leaving the Arena, and I remember nothing of the attempt to Heal me.

But the day I woke up will be forever ingrained in my memory.

"My Lady!"

"Sonea? Are you alright? Can you hear me, sweetheart?"

"Yes…" I couldn't talk above a whisper. So thirsty…

"Are you in any pain?"

"No…not pain…but…my legs…"

"Sonea, you were very badly hurt. It's your back. It's broken. I'm sorry…but there was nothing we could do. We can't Heal you."

"What…do you…mean?"

"Sonea, I'm so sorry - but I'm afraid you'll never walk again."

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	3. Chapter 3

SPOV

I'm not so sure how I feel about not walking. I missed graduation, but as soon as I was strong enough, they helped me into a special chair. It was wheeled. I'd never seen a contraption like it.

"I am not getting into that thing." Rothen chewed his bottom lip.

"Why not?"

"I'm not…I don't want…I'm not weak!"

"Sonea, all this is, is a way to get yourself around the complex. You can't levitate, because you can't support your legs. You can quite easily wheel yourself around, but until you learn, someone will have to help you."

"Rothen, I am not going to be helped anywhere. It's bad enough already. I do have what we call magic. I can propel myself along quite adequately."

I was already furiously embarrassed by my lameness. I couldn't walk, I couldn't stand, I couldn't do anything but sit or lie down. I could haul myself into a sitting position from lying flat, I could use my arms for most of what I needed. But if it was out of my reach, I was useless. I had to be helped wash at first. I didn't need this chair to draw yet more attention to it. But he was right - I couldn't levitate at all. It would take too much magic to levitate my sitting self. I chewed my own lip. Rothen watched me.

"You can't hide in here forever."

He had a point. I pushed myself upright. He moved forward to help me from bed to chair. I was dressed already, my green dress. My best. They'd come by that morning - or rather Vinara had, dropped the dress off. That's the rules of graduation. The Head of the novices chosen Discipline had to give the novice an appropriately coloured dress or jacket. I'd asked her already.

"Can I still become a magician?"

"What do you mean?"

"Lame. Can I still be a magician if I'm lame? Can I still be a Healer?"

"Don't be ridiculous, of course you can. You're lame, not dead. Nothing in the rule book saying you have to stand to Heal. Do you need any help?"

"I'm lame, not dead." She smiled at me and walked out. It had taken me a while, working out how to put the dress on. Trousers and shirts, they were easy. One thing at a time. I could hold my bum off the bed with one arm, pull trousers up one handed, and shirts were obviously not an issue. I got it over my head, arms through the three quarter sleeves. It was bunched around my waist. I got more and more agitated. Vinara was watching me at this point, standing in the doorway. A servant had stepped forward to help, but Vinara stopped her. I pushed myself up on one arm, tugged half the skirt down, done the same with the other, leaving it a little tugged up and under. I'd slipped an arm around my useless legs, pulling them up, pulling the skirt finally into place. I was flushed, tears pricking my eyes, a lump of frustration in my throat.

"Well done," Vinara had said, quietly. I didn't consider it an achievement, but she did.

"Rothen," I said now, quietly. "Rothen, let me try this on my own. If you could bring the chair next to the bed - right next to it, and just hold it steady." He does, watching me closely. I detect Vinara's mental voice, calling Rothen, but I block it out. None of my business. I haul myself right to the edge of the bed. I slip off it, into the chair.

"Five out of ten for the landing, eight for your dismount." Rothen tells me, shrewdly. "You want to push this chair, or shall I for a little while?" I look up at him. "You trusted me when you trusted nobody else. Let me help you now. You can learn to push yourself around later."

RPOV

She wheeled herself into the Guildhall, making me go and take my seat. . It took her five minutes of agonizingly slow progress to make to the Higher Magicians. She bowed very neatly, leaning forward at the waist and then sat back, her hands folded neatly in her lap. Dannyl leans over and whispers in my ear.

"How nervous is she?"

"Terrified. Not of the ceremony."

"Of what people will say," he says, understanding her better.

"She doesn't like the wheelchair. She thinks it makes her look weak."

"You want me to talk to her? I know what it's like being different." I survey him. He ought know what it's like to be different. After the War, he got up in front of a Meeting and announced they could say what they wanted, but he was sick of hiding it. He was gay, living with Tayend, sleeping with Tayend, and if they had problems, they were both more than happy to leave. He said he wasn't going to be someone he wasn't because of narrow-minded bigotry - look where narrow-mindedness had gotten them before. Sonea had been lurking in the shadows and she'd stepped forward and said she was right behind Dannyl and Tayend, and then she'd eyed Akkarin. He'd laughed and said if that was what Dannyl wanted, that was what he'd get and that was it. Certainly there was gossip, but when a few novices from different stages said they were the same, Sonea had announced she'd nearly sacrificed everything for the Guild and it was high time for them to grow up. It was a testament to the sway she held that there hadn't been an argument.

"You'd probably be better at it than me." Then we have to face the front. She looked fragile. Always thin, she'd got thinner. Akkarin presided, looking down at her. He looked terrible. Shadows lay under his eyes, he was paler than her. Vinara glanced at him from her position, frowning. As High Lord, he took the Ceremony.

"Sonea, can you vow with all truth that you have upheld and honoured the vow you made as a novice?"

"I cannot, but my reasons for the breach are reasons you all know well. I upheld it whenever it was possible for it to be upheld." There is dead silence. Sonea's graduation Ceremony will be the first and last in which the novice admits to breaking their Vow.

"Sonea, do you promise now, to uphold your Magicians Vow, and do you swear never to use your powers for ill or personal gain? Do you swear to protect and honour the Guild, and do you swear to honour and protect your King? Do you promise before witnesses, that you will honour the Head of you Discipline, and use your power as a member of that Discipline, to serve the Guild?"

"I swear."

"Sonea, recite your Vow, as set down by Guild Law."

She held out her arms to him. They were conversing mentally, a conversation none of us could even feel on our senses. He went to her side, looping strong arms around her and holding in a standing position. You could see it in his face - she wasn't standing. He was holding all her weight, just so she could follow tradition and stand as she took her vow.

"I vow today, to uphold and protect Guild Law. I vow to honour and respect my Discipline. I vow to serve and protect my King, the High Lord, The Head of my Discipline, and the people. I vow to do my duty, and Heal those in need. I vow that I will never break the Guild Law again, understanding fully the conditions and restraints of those Laws. I also swear that I am making this Vow of my own free will and that nobody has forced me to do so." He let her back down. The pain on her face was visible. She'd never told me she was hurting, and she hadn't told Vinara either, by the look on her face.

_- Rothen!_

_- Vinara._

_- Did she tell you she was in pain?_

_- Not a whisper. You know what she's like._

"Sonea, I hereby declare you a member of the Magicians Guild. Lady Vinara."

"Sonea, I welcome you to the Healers, and trust you to uphold the Vow." Vinara hands her her robes, and Sonea accepts them silently, as the occasion calls for.

"The Ceremony is concluded."

Sonea is surrounded by a crowd of well wishers and congratulations. Dannyl descends into the mass and rescues her, pushing her to the side. I hug her carefully. She hugs me back, a tight squeeze. I know precisely how she feels.

"Congratulations, Lady Sonea."

"Thank you, Lord Rothen."

I bear her and Dannyl back to my rooms, sit them down. Sonea is given her raka - she still hasn't taken to sumi, and I doubt she ever will. We talk about meaningless things. She brings up what is on her mind only when we are all forgetting everything.

"Rothen, I was thinking yesterday. I was wondering what happens to me now? I mean, I can't stay with Akkarin - I mean, the High Lord - any more. I'm not his novice any more. But nobody has asked me about moving."

"Ah, yes. Well, Akkarin has said it would be easier for you if you staying with him. It's familiar, you know your way around. He's got a room for you downstairs."

"Ah, the gossip network will go into overdrive. Well, Rothen, Dannyl, as lovely as this has been, I am exhausted. I'm going to get to bed."

SPOV

Dannyl took me over the High Lord's residence. Akkarin was nowhere to be seen once I was inside. I went directly into his guest room, propelling myself forward slowly. I could use my hands to turn the wheels and get myself places, but the process was slow and I got frustrated. I thought I wasn't going to make it to the centre of the Hall for the Ceremony.

I sat for a while, watching the flames. My hands rested on my legs, but I didn't know it. I only realised where they were at all when I looked down. I ran my hands over my legs. My hands registered the presence of my legs, but my legs didn't feel my hands. Feeling incomplete, feeling afraid. That's it, I realise. I don't feel complete. I feel like part of me is missing, and it is.

I started when the door closed. Akkarin looked equally surprised to see me.

"Sonea."

"Akkarin." I haven't called him High Lord to his face since Sachaka. He stares at me. And then, without another word, he leaves.

And he doesn't say another word to me for three whole weeks. I don't know why, and I feel hurt by it, for whatever weird reason. He won't even look at me. I adjust to the wheelchair, adjust to the terrible pain that hits my back sometimes. I adjust to my new life as a Healer. But adjusting to him ignoring me, that's impossible. He's disgusted by me, I can feel it. I cry myself to sleep that night, and most nights after. I tell myself it's just the pain, just the frustration. It's something I can't say for certain.

**_A/N: I know this story is taking me forever to write. Thing is, everything is taking forever right now, because of college and so on and so forth. It would mean so much to me if you were to review this for me. Reviews make me feel like this is worth carrying on. I don't know when the next chapter will be up, but I will get it up relatively soon, I hope. Thanks for reading XxXx_**


	4. Chapter 4

RPOV

Whispers sweep the Guild that the High Lord is struggling. He hasn't appeared in public since Sonea's Graduation. Sonea won't talk, but she tells me that she hasn't seen him. He's stayed in his room, brooding. Rumours gather speed and weight that he's searching the Black Arts for a way to help Sonea, a way to Heal her where all else has failed.

When a month goes by with nobody seeing him, I take matters into my own hands. I go over to the Residence late one night. Sonea is still awake, sitting by the fire in the guest room at the front of the Residence. She looks up in surprise.

"Rothen. It's late for a visit, isn't it?"

"I'm here to see the High Lord."

"He won't see you. He won't talk to me. He won't even look at me. He's disgusted by me."

"Has he said that?"

"I could see it in his eyes that night, after the Ceremony."

"I'm sure he -"

"Don't Rothen. I'm going to bed. He'll be in his room, where he always is. Good luck talking to him - if he lets you through the door, that is."

She's right. When I knock, I get no answer. If she hadn't called up, I would have assumed he wasn't there.

"He's in there, Rothen. I told you - he won't talk." I open the door. He's on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He looks awful. His face seems thinner, and the dark circles that had been present the day she graduated are deeper, darker. His voice, when he speaks, is cracked and dry.

"What do you want, Rothen?"

"I've come to find out why you seem to have exiled yourself from us. I've come to ask you why not even Sonea sees you anymore. And I want to know why she thinks you're so disgusted by her and the fact that she can't walk, you won't even look at her."

"Does she think that of me?" He sounds defeated. He sounds weak.

"She does. Why won't you do anything?"

"Because there's nothing I can do."

"Akkarin, there are rumours you need to know about. People are talking - they think you're studying the Black Arts again, looking for a way to help her -"

"No! Rothen, I told you. If I even attempted to Heal her with Black Magic, she'd pay with her soul. Besides, there is no way."

"You looked? Akkarin, there is a faction in this Guild that would use that against you. You know what the condition was -"

"Of course I know what the condition was! And when I looked, I knew what would happen if I were caught! For her, Rothen, I'd do it." There's a silence, heavy with the implication of his final sentence. He seems to realise he's said too much. He turns his face away. "I'll come back to the Guild. And I'll talk to Sonea. Can you just - go away, please?"

"I've got your word?" He glares at me.

"Lords, you're getting rude. Lorlen at least knew where the line was."

"Ah, but I am not Lorlen. And you turned down the King - I have every right to be rude to you, if it'll wake you up a bit. Get back out there, do your damn job, and don't you ever make her think you're disgusted by her again." Silence reigns.

Oddly, it's Sonea who breaks the tension. We both jump when we hear her voice. We were nose to nose, glaring at each other.

"Akkarin, you need to come down here. Now." Her voice is trembling slightly. I go down first, slamming his bedroom door behind me. Her lips are twitching. "Akkarin!" His door opens, closes, and then footsteps come down the stairs. "Rothen, could you give us some privacy?" I hear her start up just as I'm leaving. I'm chuckling as I walk away.

APOV

She makes me sit down, and then she parks herself less than three inches from me. She stares at me.

"You look ill."

"Thanks."

"Well, you do," she says, brutally. "you look, to be perfectly honest, absolutely horrendous. You didn't look this bad when we were in Sachaka. You need a shave, a wash and Healing." She then folds her hands and looks at me.

"When did you get so rude?"

"When you started acting like a child. When I graduated. After what we went through in Sachaka, I will not have you ignoring me, Akkarin. And if you so much as touch those books again - I know you have, don't try and deny it - I will kill you myself. If this is my sentence, then I'll have it. Now, what you're are going to do is this. You are going to have a bath and a shave. You'll then come back here, to me, and I will Heal you. Tomorrow you go back to the Guild and you start _being_ a damn High Lord, including all duties, including the paperwork. And then, the day after, you meet the King. I have no doubt he is displeased with you, and you will stand up in front of him and take whatever he says to you with dignity. Do you understand me, Akkarin?" I have to collect my jaw from the floor before I can answer her. Her eyes are blazing and she looks - she looks beautiful. I open my mouth to agree, but something else comes out entirely.

SPOV

"I'm sorry," he gasps out, his voice hoarse. And then he starts crying. He flings himself at my feet and buries his face in my lap. "I'm sorry I made you feel like I was disgusted by you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I stroke his hair, and wordlessly order his brush into my hand. He seems soothed by it, his sobs lessening and his shoulders shaking only occasionally. When he's finished, he raises his face to mine. His eyes are red and swollen, cheeks reddened.

"Don't you say sorry. You've nothing to apologise for."

"But say you forgive me. Please." His face and eyes are full of need.

"I forgive you, then. Now, go upstairs and wash your face, then go have that bath." I kiss his forehead gently. I mean nothing by it, but he hugs me close anyway. I wrinkle my nose involuntarily. He pulls away and sees it.

"What?" he demands.

"Akkarin, I'm sorry - but you smell. Awful. Dear lord, go and have that bath. I'll get the servants to change your sheets whilst you're gone. And leave your robes to be laundered. You can wear your spare set tomorrow. If they need altering, go and get them now." He smiles at me and slips away.

He brings me nothing, only putting his head round my door to say goodnight, snatching me up in a hug whilst kneeling in front of me.

"Much better," I say with a smirk.

"Young lady, you are talking to the High Lord. Watch your tone."

"Oh yes, you're feeling better. Goodnight, Akkarin."

"Good night, Sonea."


End file.
